Take a whiff of Sista Smiff and you'll come back for more, that's fo sho!

Friday, April 28, 2006

Jesus Take The Wheel

I think some of these big ol mega churches in the Greater Nashville area need to offer a ministry that would be most beneficial to their parishoners (as well as the heathen population) and that would be DRIVER EDUCATION. To my knowledge, there is no such bird, but, they oughta be.

Yesterday evening, I get off at the New Shackle Island exit in Hendersonville and nearly got run off the road by this big ol' van with a woman driving and her young son in the front. I recognized her as the wife of somebody I've known all my life..somebody I went to church with for many years. I thought it ironic that her oversized, gas guzzling, family roadster (that nearly pushed my sensibly sized mini-van off the dang road) had this huge bumper sticker on the back that announced "I Love Jesus!"

Last September, the week after Katrina hit, I was coming down I-65 there by Trinity Lane one morning and this big trailer that had something on it how it was New Orleans bound full of relief supplies, and imblazened on the side with "Heaven's Angels", just about did the same thing to me as the Jesus van had done.

My shishter, Sherian, tells stories, at least once a week, of a fellow employee who can't drive. It's the same scenario every time she tells it and she gets furious just telling it, she tells it better than me....

"it's always the same story. He gets over in the far, left hand lane...and then waits until the last 40/65 split (right beside the Worlds Largest Adult Bookstore) and then he swerves over. He has worked here over ten years, so he KNOWS that he has to get into the far RIGHT hand lane. Does he think that all of his pro-life and Jesus bumper stickers, give him a pass to cut people off? Does he purposely stay in that far lane, so that he is not tempted to look over at the dirty bookstore? I bet that's it! But I don't care what his reason is....it ticks me off. I'm ticked off, just writing to you about it! It's like he doesn't even check his mirrors before changing lanes. He will cut so close, that I have to stomp on my brakes. Ugh, I need a valium."

What is it about being part of the Family of God and you not being able to drive??? I love the Lord, folks, but, thanks to Him and that ol crabby B. Nelson and Coach Danny Chapman at Franklin High School, I have good driving sense.

I suppose people think that the "God Is My Co-Pilot" license plates/stickers mean they can just put it on cruise control and He'll glide them on in to work since they don't have brain one when it comes to being behind the wheel of a car. God's people can't drive!

10 comments:

Malia said...

LOL!! Love it Sista. That is precisely why I don't adorn my car with any religious paraphenalia. If I'm going to be a hypacrite, why announce to the world? I tend to be a cautious driver, but I've made my share of mistakes. Just recently I was telling my mom that I feel like a have a "driving guardian" angel flying over my car because there have been numerous times when my own stupidity or the stupidity of another driver could have ended up in a terrible accident, but at the last second, all was okay...freaky!

Tony Arnold said...

Amen Sista! Preach on.

BTW, my Dad ran the driver's ed program for Metro Davidson County schools until the Metro School Board in their infinite wisdom did away with driver's ed in the early 80's. Driving in Nashville has declined perciptiously ever since.

Now the only way teenages learn to drive is from their parents who are the very one's we are ticked off at everyday on the road.

Tony

Kristina said...

Gak! I went to Franklin High School as well, and until just now my memories of B. Nelson had been buried deep in the recesses of my subconscious. He terrified me then, and even after all these years I'm feeling a little antsy re-living the horror.

SistaSmiff said...

B. Nelson was as curmudgeonly as curmudgeonly comes.

Class of '87...what year were you?

Winston said...

Say it Sista! I live down here in Franklin and believe me, Williamson County is the hot-bed of wreckless, speed driven, finger saluting, Jesus freaks. They just as soon run your ass over as look at you, and it matters not because Jesus and W are on their side.

Alex said...

: )

Kristina said...

I heard rumors that B. Nelson wasn't that bad a guy, but I went out of my way not to find out firsthand. I opted to steer clear of chemistry at FHS and double-up in college. Although I'm not sure the biology-with-Ms-Clouse route was much better.

I graduated in '89, although I spent my senior year at another high school. And as much as I detested high school, it's kind of cool to "meet" someone with some common memories.

SistaSmiff said...

I imagine all us kids helped make Mr. Nelson so "pleasant." He probably would've rather done something else with his life than deal with all of us.

SistaSmiff said...

Ooooh....I remember Ms. Clouse. I think I had her for homeroom. For some reason, the word "diva" comes to mind when recollecting her.

gavin richardson said...

our church offers beginning driving and aarp driving.. i wonder if anyone would show for 'you are a bad representation on our church' driving class?

i try and stay away from williamson county as well. those folks are nuts driving. must be too many northern transplants.. wait, i'm one of them...