Take a whiff of Sista Smiff and you'll come back for more, that's fo sho!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Lunchtime in Knoxville

My sister tends to provide me with some great blogaterial. I think today's beats 'em all.

"What is it about me that makes people do this to me.
I went to Stein Mart at lunch and made a new friend. I was in the BBW Dept (Big Beautiful Women) and I made a new friend. This little old lady – probably in her 70s. Didn’t look like she had brushed her hair in a week. Wearing slippers. Anyway, I’m looking at a rack of clothes and she gets up next to me and says (I was looking at a pretty shirt with long, flowy-like sleeves) "When you’re big through the middle like you, you shouldn’t wear shirts with sleeves with that much material – draws attention to your middle". She then goes on to explain why she likes to wear long shirts because it covers her stomach – and yes, she feels the need to lift her shirt and grab with both hands her belly flab.
She follows me around for about 10 minutes, commenting on what I’m looking at – pretty color, too busy – makes you look wide, sequins look cheap, etc. Then she said "You know, it takes work to look nice when you’re big, don’t you think?" Im just about to die, wishing someone had been there to witness this – you would have wet yourself.
Then I take my items and think I can escape her in the fitting room. But she has a shirt that she says "would go with my horsie scarves I got in Lexington. I paid a fortune for them. Do you think my horsie scarves would go with this shirt?" I’m just trying to get away from her. So she goes to the fitting room attendant and says "I want to try this shirt on but I don’t have time, I have a friend in the car" HUH???? If she had an old lady friend in the car, the last 15 minutes she spent with me didn’t bother her.
I was about to die! "

Usually, my sister is mistaken for Rosie O'Donnell ("You look just like Rosie McDonald!") or hit on by lesbians. She is coming along in this world.

No comments: