Take a whiff of Sista Smiff and you'll come back for more, that's fo sho!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

They Suck

I swear....there's a reason I don't like to handle stuff like insurance claims, especially when said insurance company won't pay the claim. I'm non-confrontational, except when I'm confrontational. When I'm confrontational, I tend to get kindly nasty and then I feel guilty. I'm thinking it's the Baptist Girl in me. The nice, mannerly, gal that I am on one side of my personality and then there's the Sybil side of me.

One time, when me and Mr. Smiff had only been married a short while, he and I went and ate with the guy that was managing him and his brother (when they had a record deal and stuff). This ol guy was a former New York attorney who had managed Dr. Hook back in the day. Talk about confrontational....whoooo boy. He is a great guy but picture a little Jewish, Mr. Spaceley from the Jetsons kinda guy...he was intimidating and for some reason, brought out the language-unbecoming-a-good-Baptist-girl in me. I don't remember how it all commenced and what led to me hollering at him to F@$k himself in the middle of that restaurant...oh crap y'all...what was it called....that vegetarian kinda place there that was there by 18th and Broadway. The Slice of Life! Yeah, that's it. Course, the New York Guy didn't think a thing of it but I was so upset about the whole thing. Why in the world did I do that?!?!?! Visions of my 3rd grade Sunday School teacher, Mrs. Luella Rodgers, singing about all thangs bright and beautiful came into my mind and I was plunged into an abyss of guilt for months. (Do remember I was 21 years old at the time.)

Anyway, Mr. Smiff has just turned 46 and his eyesight is not what it was. The old guy has to use his drugstore glasses for just about everything. We went to eat last night and the Daughter asked "Dad, why do you still have your glasses on?" He has to have them on to eat! He said his food gets "blurry". It's a scream. He carries the Drugstore Glasses everywhere he goes and attaches them to his shirt. As you can imagine, this practice is hard on the Drugstore Glasses and 9 times out of 10 if you see him with Drugstore Glasses on, one of the ear things is missing.

I've been tellling Mr. Smiff to get him some real glasses for the longest time. His mother finally said she'd get him some glasses for his birthday. An eye exam is covered by our insurance company. Perfect.

I even called the fine folks at CIGNA and said "Hey, what's the procedure for getting an eye exam paid for for my Old Man?" They tell me to go to such and such website, find a doctor and that was all there was to it. Should've been easy, right? Heh. No.

We get a love note in the mail from CIGNA (don't forget that) saying that they wouldn't pay the claim for Mr. Smiff's eye exam. Glory be. I called them just now to find out all the where's and whys. The girl on the phone starts throwing around all this insurance lingo like "VSP" and some other initial thing. I told her I knew nothing of what she spoke. I said it pretty much like this....

SS: Why do y'all do stuff like this? I mean, I called and one of your people told me what to do and I did what they said. This is so irritating.
CIGNA: BLAH BLAH BLAH VSP
SS: I don't know what you're talking about. [Face starts burning-temperature rising]
CIGNA: BLAH BLAH BLAH VSP

SS: YOU ALL SUCK!!!!!- click

I hope they got that on tape that they suck.

How's that for class? Grace? I'm a walking, talking Emily Posteses aren't I? My co-worker girls got a rather large kick out of my phone call. They erupted into laughter when I got off the phone and then I hear a strange, male voice say "Wow...it's funner on this floor than on mine." Oh great...it's probably the Big Boss Man. Nah...just another guy.

Anytime y'all need me to step in and help you handle business....you just give me a call.

5 comments:

saraclark said...

Ok, don't yell. I have this same insurance.

Did you go to a preferred listed Vision Services Provider(VSP) from the infamous CIGNA List?

If not, they will still pay the claim but you have to submit it to them on a claims form versus just paying a co-pay at the VSP(don't yell) doctor's office.

Did you pay the entire bill at the Optometrist's office or just a co-pay?

Mr. Smiff is the perfect age for laser surgery and CIGNA does cover Dr. Wang. Ok, now yell.

SistaSmiff said...

He went to somebody that was on their list of providers. Nothing was said about VSP. I guess that's just a way that they get idiots like me who have no patience with dealing with the likes of them.

Rachel said...

Ugh. The husband and I had similar problems with CIGNA for our dental. He had a wisdom tooth come in and subsequently break apart. We called around, found out what we were supposed to do. They ultimately decided not to pay for the x-ray because it was done at the oral surgeon's office rather than a regular dentist's office. Grrr.

Malia said...

You're right they do suck. I'm closely related to someone who is a former employee of said insurance company. So I've heard first hand some of the inane and asinine things they do. As an employee this close relative was also covered by their health plan and they experienced the same b.s. that "regular" customers deal with.

jag said...

I feel ya. I get mean as hell with those people. More than once, I've played the dumb girl card (they can't see through the phone, can they?) and made them explain it to me like they would a 2 year old. So when it clicks, I snap back to brilliant woman and tear them a new one!

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